Right now I’m tackling post-wedding remorse. I should be tackling thank-you notes. Of course, my remorse has nothing to do with the man I married. That has felt like the most natural thing ever. Just remorse over silly little things I wish I had done differently for our wedding day. Most of them are not important. I keep trying to redirect my attention to the positives, which are overwhelming. But my intensive-care-unit-anal-retentive-perfectionist self wants to be tortured over the should-have-been’s.
I’m thinking maybe if I just write out my disappointments it will be a cathartic exercise and I can move on. So, my regrets . . .
- I overslept by 2 hours. 'Ran late the rest of the day.
- My Hair. It wasn’t bad. It actually looked like a good summer-beachy-waves style. But it wasn’t great, and I wasn’t at the beach. And hair is such a huge part of one's wedding outfit. It’s second only to the dress. So of all the things I wished looked really awesome, I wish my hair had been done better, just some more curls to dress it up. It looks kind of scraggly in the back.
PLUS, what really irked me is that I actually shelled out money in a hair salon. I know my hair can keep a curl. I’ve done it myself and it’s looked curlier. But I knew I’d be short on time, so I decided to splurge on a professional hair dresser for time efficiency. Her name was Maxine at the 10th Avenue Salon. I actually really liked her in many ways. I could tell she knew what she was doing. But I think she compromised herself on time. She was late starting my appointment by 15 minutes, and midway through she had to go tend to another client. If she could only have spent a little more time with the curling iron, it would have been good. I normally would have said something and asked her to correct it before I left, but we were really tight on time.
- I wish I had brought my dress and make-up with me. Sarah and I left the salon at about 3:30 in the afternoon. We were supposed to start pictures at 4:15. So we ran back to my condo, got dressed & did make-up for about 25 minutes, and were out the door at 4:07. That driving time cost us in picture taking time. I keep seeing all these creative bridal party shots and think, ‘we should have tried something like that!’ but we really didn’t have time. I especially wish we’d taken pictures in front of those big carved doors in front of the church, or in front of some of the beautiful stained glass inside. Oh well.
- I wish I had asked my friend earlier to bring her camcorder and have someone tape the wedding ceremony. It would have been easy enough to pull off, but I didn't plan ahead. I didn't need anything professional. I just wish I had a home video.
- I wish we had planned our exit strategy after mass, especially regarding the handling of the marriage license. I kept thinking that we, our two witnesses, & Fr. Matt had to get together and sign it afterwards. Apparently it already had the bride and groom signatures, so we could have gone ahead and left for the reception. I wanted to get to the reception site first and greet our guests as they came in. But somehow I lost my new husband about 60 seconds after we walked down the aisle, and it was a good 10 or 15 minutes before we reconnected and my brother in law drove us away.
- Related to the previous grievance, I didn’t get to say hi to everyone who came to our wedding. I didn’t even get to lay eyes on everyone there.
- Our first dance. OMG. The fertility ritual. I didn’t care so much that we hadn’t picked out a song beforehand. We thought we’d just start dancing whenever we felt like it. However, apparently guests wanted to dance but didn’t feel comfortable starting until after we did. So much for just blending into the dance floor. In fact, quite contrary to my hopes for being inconspicuous, all the relatives under 4 feet tall thought it would be great fun to run around us in circles while we danced. You know, it’s hard enough to defend NFP in certain circles. Those kids frolicking about us made tangible so many doubts. I wanted to tell them to go away, but everyone was staring at us. What kind of bitch bride tells cute little children to beat it?
- I wish I had better organized the dinner seating plan for the grandparents. I’m glad everyone could sit wherever they wanted. But I do wish I had gotten Grandma to our table with Pawpaw. After our pre-mass picture together, I don’t remember seeing Grandma at all.
- I wish I had known Dina—the reception site manager—was going to add so many ceiling hooks above the dance floor. When I had last visited, there had been only a few. I would have gotten more dangly things or paper lanterns to hang. As it was, my few lanterns looked rather sparse and spaced out. Part of that is because I overslept and didn’t get to direct much of the set-up that morning. Thank God for Aunt Cynthia and Mary.
- I wish I had called my high school swim coach and checked in on her. Later I learned she had lost the invitation and drove to the wrong church. She never made it.
- I wish I had been able to spend more time with our out-of-town cousins.
- I wish Meme could have been there.
Whew. There it is. I just had to get it out. Now all the wonderfulness:
+ My husband. He actually showed up. We’re actually married. And the engagement from hell is over.
+Speaking of the engagement from hell, I’m going to pat myself on the back for this one. I think I planned a very nice wedding despite the concurrence of moving twice, interviewing, starting a new job, passing my CCRN exam, getting all my licenses switched over to Florida, and taking courses for my master’s—all with minimal planning help from my mom, who was full-time caretaker of my grandmother and dealing with her death concurrently.
+ While I didn’t have time to exercise, I did stress off about 8 lbs., so the dress fit just fine.
+ I couldn’t ask for better in-laws. His family is huge and fun and always welcoming.
+ Many family members traveled from far-away to join us, and that meant a lot.
+ I am blessed with so many wonderful, wonderful friends, and the closest were able to be with me that day. I am especially grateful for Sarah for keeping me in line as we rushed to the wedding. All pedestrians along my driving route should also be grateful Sarah was with me.
+ I had fun at our wedding. I remember being in a good mood running high on adrenaline. I remember being in a (relative) don’t give a shit mode. It’s only afterwards that I’m giving a shit.
+ Some of those friends made a choir and they sounded lovely. Their music was such a magnificent gift. I thought the whole mass was beautiful.
+ I got a chance to eat. I was going to complain that I didn’t have time for seconds, but I’m hearing a lot of brides don’t eat at all.
+ The weather was clear! Thank God.
+ The reception was so very lovely. My friend Mary, my Aunt Cynthia, and a handful of others worked so hard on decorating and arranging flowers. They did such an awesome job. I can’t wait to get the pictures and show what they created.
+ Nobody got in a car accident. Nobody got food poisoning that I'm aware of. I didn't somehow break my leg before the wedding and didn't have to exchange vows on crutches. I didn't run into anything and have a black eye. So many things could have randomly gone awry but didn't. I am so grateful.